Recently, my fabulous friend from Philly did me the honor of visiting my city.
Knowing that such things come rarely, we did what any sane 20-something would do: meet for drinks and hit the town. Sure we could have had a best-y sleep over, but – hell – we are still young. Plus, new friends are fun, but old friends have a way of making a night out an adventure.
Before the second glass of vino at a Friday night happy hour, we had enough good vibes to feel invincible and made eyes at gentlemen callers. While the crowd was mixed, I wasn’t having much success and Lo-Lo noticed that I had a bad case of “The Hover”.
The problem that most people face is that once we are attracted to someone, we start to gravitate to them in the hopes that eyes will lock and a love-or-lust-at-first-sight moment can take care of the rest. And sure, this happens every now and then, but unless you make contact you are in serious danger of approaching, stopping short of your arrival point, and, just, “hovering”.
If this sounds like it might be awkward, that is because it looks even more awkward.
You are stuck standing there looking but not looking, listening but trying to look like you aren’t listening, and accomplishing nothing. Then you make eye contact and nothing happens. Now, how do you leave? Has anyone else seen you make this failed attempt? They have! And the disaster that follows is an abrupt relocation to a different part of the bar.
Don’t worry. It’s not your fault. No one walks into bar and doesn’t consider the possibility that someone might take an interest. The problem is that they are also looking for creepers and hovering can look a lot like creeping.
In the words of my good friend, Lo-Lo, “When you see someone attractive and you move to be near them, you have about a 10 second window before you ruin your chances of having the person write you off before you even say hello. People like confidence and hate pauses. Make eye contact and move in. Don’t let the world happen upon you, make things happen”.
Lo-Lo needs to offer coaching sessions professionally. Post anti-hover training, I exchanged numbers twice on the next night and had a fabulous make-out session with a third guy. When he asked for my number, I smiled and turned away so as not to blurt out that the kiss was accidental. I was really just getting some experience in the field.