I recently stumbled upon the ridiculous, over the top finale of The A-List: Dallas on Logo. For those of you not in the know, it is basically Desperate House Wives with Balls and in Texas. Things down there are simply “Bat-“ish”-Crazy. Drinking, gossiping, meddling, cheating, back stabbing, and, not to mention, heart breaking is apparently even worse in the gay Texan world. To summarize the entire season, the gay cowboy has slept with everyone besides the black guy and the Barbie doll straight woman who is already married. This brazen cowboy’s sexual prowess is so pronounced that he proceeds to date one guy, cheat on him with another, break up with the first guy, and cheat on the second with the first. This may need a full breakdown:
Cowboy has sex with Boy 1
Cowboy tells Boy 1 that they are monogamous
Cowboy cheats on Boy 1 with Boy 2
Cowboy and Boy 1 break-up once all is revealed
Cowboy continues to hook up with Boy 2 with no monogamy mentioned
Cowboy cheats on Boy 2 with Boy 1
Boy 2 finds out, loses it, and storms off, heartbroken.
Oh yeah, and some time before and after this mess, Boy 3 gave the Cowboy multiple blowjobs.
If this was a metaphor for the real world, all the hot people are either in committed relationships or are sleeping with whomever they want. And the rest? They are sifting through the unrequited leftovers. Sound familiar? Sadly, at times, I would say yes. It is then that I realized that these crazy Texans just might be able to teach us some valuable lessons to help improve our own dating lives.
1. Just because everyone wants to hook-up, date, or sleep with one guy or gal, does not mean that everyone leaves his or her encounters satisfied.
2. Never underestimate the lengths that someone scorned will go to get revenge.
3. Being a home wrecker sucks.
4. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
5. Boy 3 is an idiot. The only thing more embarrassing about sloppy seconds is even sloppier thirds. Just don’t do it.