Bar Memos Who’s The Cheater Now?

By: Citygal212
wrote on Fri, Apr 01, 2011

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After reading the article from Scientific American titled “Great Pretenders: People Who Feel Their Success is Undeserved” I had a thought.  Although the people in the article felt that their accomplishments were a result of work overload or just luck.  Do we also feel the same about our relationships?  Whether it was the college student acing the exam or the business man getting praise for his work.  These individuals felt strongly that their achievements were just the aftermath of working three times as hard or just being at the right place at the right time.  Then again, of course they should get praise if they are up all night doing research for a presentation or working day and night on an exam with no real sleep.  And if it just so happens that they didn’t prepare or study hard and still did great, the logic would be to blame it on lady luck.  Therefore it would only be a matter of time before people discovered the truth. The harsh fact that they aren’t talented and worthy and it is all a mask, a front to fit in.  Which brings me to the point, in a relationship, can the same problem exist?  And if it does, are we cheating ourselves?

Every now and then you hear people say, “Life’s a bitch” or “It’s not a job if you’re having fun”. Do we have the same issues with our significant other?  How many times do we hear people say “I am so lucky to have you”.  Or we see a couple where once is obviously older than the other and think to ourselves, “Well…somebody’s got money”.  There is a lack of praise and content we seem to be missing these days.

To solve the Great Pretender phenomenon psychologists break the cycle of self- doubt and self- sabotage by teaching people to give themselves credit for their hard work.  The same goes for those of you who consider yourselves lucky to be in a great relationship.  The truth is, relationships are hard and a great accomplishment that should not be taken lightly.  Stop cheating yourself, enjoy your talent.  Whether it’s in the bedroom or in your office.  You deserve it damn it.